It’s the end of our first full week living in Idaho. This week has been about catching up on work, settling in to our new normal and becoming acquainted with the uncertainties that accompany a complete life/career change. I’ve had a defeatist attitude this week. My inner dialogue has been anything but empowering. All week I’ve questioned my abilities as a business owner. Am I capable of and do I know how to re-establish myself as a professional photographer in another state? As soon as I had the thought “maybe I should just go get an hourly wage job” was when I knew I needed to snap out of it. I built a business from scratch and have watched it thrive over the last 14 years. I can do this. It’s time to stop questioning that and get to work.
A couple of realizations I had this week that have helped me out of my funk…
1 ) I owe part of my success as a photographer in Colorado to my decision to specialize. I had a niche and that worked really well for me. So now, as I brainstorm what rebuilding my brand in Idaho looks like, I’ve been expecting myself to choose a specialty. One very particular area of photography that I would devote all my focus to. That expectation was not working for me. Then the magic word that always helps me find answers popped in my head…WHY? Why am I putting this pressure on myself? Why do I have to specialize in one area? I don’t have to and I don’t want to. And from that came a huge sigh of relief. Maybe specializing worked for me at one time but I am allowed to rewrite the rules.
WE ARE ALL ALLOWED TO RE-WRITE OUR OWN SELF-IMPOSED RULES.
2 ) We moved to Idaho so that my husband could retire from photography and pursue his dream career in aviation. While I’ve always felt like I would forever and always be a photographer, I’ve been faced with some serious periods of burn out the last few years. Mark told me that if he was going after his dream career, I should be able to do the same. He didn’t want to see me continue down a path that deflated me. It is a burden and a blessing to have the opportunity to seriously ask yourself “I can do anything, what do I want to do?” I’ve been carrying that question around with a heavy heart lately. What I’ve finally concluded is this: Being a photographer is part of who I am. It always has been and I hope it always will be. I am able to travel, be my own boss, make my own rules, set my own schedule, work in a creative field and create work that matters all with a camera, a laptop and an internet connection. I am so grateful that I get to be exactly what I want to be. But I think I needed to go through this period of questioning everything in order to reignite my passion for my work.
SOMETIMES WE NEED TO TAKE A STEP BACK IN ORDER TO LET OUR LIVES COME IN TO FOCUS.
3 ) Finally and most importantly I remembered that my incessant thoughts are just thoughts. They don’t define me unless I let them. They don’t accomplish anything except to hold me back from actual productivity. I have the power to change the conversation in my head and after a week of “Can I do this?” I’m changing the dialogue to “I can and I will”.
ONCE WE BECOME AWARE THAT OUR THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS, WE FORM THE POWER TO CHANGE THEM.
With that concludes my 6th straight day writing, a silent goal I’ve had for myself this week that I want and plan to continue. I love to write as much as I love to photograph. Where could a year of writing take me? I have no clue, but the idea excites and intrigues me. My writing is my way of navigating life’s many layers and nuances but if it had the power to go beyond that and affect others in a positive way, well I can’t think of many things that would bring me greater joy.
